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Communing with Purpose

Communication seems to continually be an issue within most marriages. I would hazard to say that it continues to be an issue in any relationship. God calls us to be relational. As He was leaving earth Jesus states clearly, “Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:19a, NIV). Making disciples requires communication. It requires intentional development of relationships through communication. So too, the marriage relationship requires a vast amount of communication as we are directed to, “be united”, becoming, “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).

Unification comes not only by living with one another and uniting physically, but truly communing with one another. As couples we should continually make healthy, focused communication a priority in our relationships. We must fight the urge to simply co-exist in our marriages and truly thrive through intimate, purposed communication.

So why can communication be so tricky? One reason is that less than 10% of our communication is wrapped in our words. That means that over 90% of our communication comes through non-verbal’s such as facial expressions, body language or tone of voice. Quality communication is about WHAT we say and about HOW we say it!

I also think the key to healthy communication lies in truly listening. Studies have shown that we tend to listen in order to respond rather than listening to understand. Truly listening to one another should take up about 80% of our communication rather than the paltry 20% it usually does. No wonder James encourages us, “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). As we learn to listen with hearts eager to understand our spouse and what they are truly trying to say, we will begin to commune with purpose!

His servant and yours,


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